Give Me Just One More Knight
by PadawanObiWan
Summary: A parody of the Jedi Knight video game
1. The Death Of Ron

TITLE: Give Me Just One More Knight  
AUTHOR: PadawanObiWan  
CATEGORY: Parody/Humor  
RATING: G, right now, may change but probably not  
SUMMARY: A parody of the video game and books "Jedi Knight" (I actually used some stuff from the books, but not a lot)  
DISCLAIMER: STAR WARS and all associated characters, logos and other elements are the property of George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. The author of this story makes no profit whatsoever. All other elements are property of their respected owners, and again I'm not paid to advertise them, such as the pizza brand jokes in here  
  
A ketchup bottle attached to a Pepsi can (a Block-Blade Runner) is being destroyed by a big star destroyer. Inside, a dead person falls down.  
  
JEREC: Next.  
  
MA: Number 53, that's you, buddy!  
  
JEREC: Where's the Valley?  
  
#53: URK! Don't know---  
  
JEREC: Where?  
  
#53: Don't--- ugh-  
  
#53 falls down dead.  
  
JEREC: Are there any left?  
  
SARISS: Just one.  
  
JEREC: Q-Ron!  
  
RON: Jerec!  
  
JEREC: Yes, and now Ronnie, I'd like to get some information from you.  
  
RON: HA! I know what you're after and I'll never tell you the map to the Valley of the Jedi is hidden in the ceiling tiles of Morton Katari's home on Solong! Oops…  
  
JEREC: Heh, he, I have no further use for you… OLD MAN!  
  
Jerec's Dark Jedi companions, Ma, Gorq, Pic and Yawn move towards Ron. Ron uses the Force and grabs Yawn's lightsaber he cuts Ma in two. He deflects Gorq's lightsaber and jumps sidways kicking Gorq in the chest. Gorq lands on top of Pic. Jerec watches all this with amusement. Ron is about to slice up a defenseless Yawn, then he realizes that he gave into the Dark Side. Sariss clubs Ron in the back of the head.  
  
JEREC: Good. Goooood, you nearly killed half my army! You still got it for an old man!  
  
RON: Don't call me OLD MAN!  
  
He jumps at Jerec, Jerec freezes him in midair. He cackles demonically as he cuts of Ron's head. 


	2. 88 Meetings

NOR SSHHAADDAA - THE SIDEWAYS CITY  
  
Rebel Hero, Kyle Katari sits in a cantina on Nor Sshhaaddaa watching a hologram of him and his dad.  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: Now remember son, when you're at the Academy, how proud I am of you. You're a fine young man, Bill.  
  
KYLE HOLOGRAM: Uh, dad, my name's Kyle.  
  
An ugly robot walks up.  
  
8T88: Touching. When someone desires information… they come to me.  
  
KYLE: Well, you ARE an information broker. Now tell me WHO KILLED MY FATHER!  
  
8T88: Patience… he is a Dark Jedi.  
  
KYLE: Jedi?  
  
8T88: Dark Jedi.  
  
KYLE: That's what I said, a Jedi.  
  
8T88: No. DARK Jedi. Like a Jedi only DARK, like behind you it's dark.  
  
Kyle turns around.  
  
KYLE: It's not all the way dark…  
  
8T88: Look, look, you're missing the point. Anyway his name is Jerec and he has great plans for the rebirth of the Imperious Imperium.  
  
KYLE: I'm not interested in petty pettiness.  
  
8T88: Well you should be, without going into too much detail, Jerec has been quite generous in his offers, unfortunately… YOU don't factor into them.  
  
Two thugs put guns up to Kyle's head.  
  
8T88: But I am not without a heart. Familiar, no? It's a 3 ½ floppy disk. I found it in your dear old dad's home. Of course you know computers nowadays. Almost like everything's coded… Luckily I happen to be an ACE hacker and code cracker.  
  
KYLE: That must make you proud…  
  
8T88: Oh it does, it really does! But there's one little problem… THIS DISK WON'T CRACK! It's special… Which means it's important. Tell me what's on it and these fine gentlemen won't have to indulge their DARKER SIDE.  
  
KYLE: The DARK SIDE? I've been there. Do your worst!  
  
8T88: Well then I might as well ask you now, what do you want on your TOMBSTONE?  
  
KYLE: TOMBSTONE?  
  
Kyle flips one of the guards over the table and grabs his gun, he shoots the other guard.  
  
KYLE: Italian sausage… and extra cheese.  
  
8T88 runs to his ship, Kyle follows him.  
  
KYLE: Leaving without your goodbye kiss?  
  
Kyle shoots of 8t88's arm that has the disk in it. 8t88 gets on his shuttle and takes off. A TIE bomber appears, Kyle dodges it with his "Matrix" moves but is hit in the shoulder. Suddenly the TIE bomber explodes. Kyle's ship, The "Moldy & Stinky Crow" flies out of nowhere. Kyle's only friend Jane Oar is piloting it.  
  
KYLE: JANE! What a pleasant surprise!  
  
JANE: What would you do without me, Kyle?  
  
KYLE: I'd be a content old geezer who sits on his but all day, eating pizza, chugging down beer, playing video games, watching movies, and reading comic books.  
  
TIE fighters approach the Crow.  
  
JANE: Some how I don't see content or an old geezer who sits on his but all day, eating pizza, chugging down beer, playing video games, watching movies, and reading comic books. So much for the relaxing chat.  
  
KYLE: Jane, meet me at a random location, I've got to get that disk!  
  
Jane takes off, Kyle climbs down the building, he finally gets the arm that holds the disk.  
  
KYLE: GOTCHA!!!  
  
He slips and falls.  
  
KYLE: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
He hits the ground and a little creature comes up and steals the arm that holds the disk.  
  
CREATURE: Ehehehe!  
  
KYLE: Hey give that back!  
  
CREATURE: Eheeheehee!  
  
The creature runs off, Kyle follows it. The creature explodes. A man with a smoking gun picks up the arm of the creature that holds the arm of 8t88 that holds the disk.  
  
KYLE: Hey wait! That's mine!  
  
The man stares at the arm, the arm, and the disk. A giant creature appears behind him.  
  
MAN: 8t88 will be happy to get his arm back…  
  
KYLE: Uh…  
  
MAN: And I'll get a RAISE!!!  
  
The creature chomps the man. Kyle grabs the arm of the man that holds the arm of the creature that holds the arm of 8t88 that holds the disk. He climbs a convenient ladder. When he gets to the top of the building he gets shot. A trio of thugs approach him. Suddenly the Crow appears and fires away at the thugs…  
  
  
Kyle awakens in a strange glowing room, Ron is standing with him.  
  
KYLE: Where am I? Who are you? What's a bongo?  
  
RON: You're in the Valley of the Jedi! And as for me, I am Q-Ron.  
  
KYLE: What are you doing here?  
  
RON: I'm here to warn you, you're here to be warned. Jerec, the man who murdered your father is looking for this place and he must be stopped. For if he finds it he will become a creature such as the universe has never seen. Why, an entire star system… POOF in a fleeting thought. Eradication of life from an entire planet… WHAM!-in a fleeting thought. The disk in your possession is the key to unlocking your destiny, remember it will show you to the ways of the Force. 


	3. So Long...

Kyle is in a Rebel ship with Jane.  
  
JANE: Well your blessed ship will be in the repair bay for a few days, there's something wrong with it.  
  
KYLE: The Crow? What is it?  
  
JANE: It's a type of bird, but that's not important.  
  
KYLE: Can you pick me up when it's all better?  
  
JANE: Sure, but where are you going?  
  
KYLE: Back home to Solong.  
  
JANE: Something wrong?  
  
KYLE: I don't know… I'll find out when I get there.  
  
  
Several tiles are being transported to a space shuttle.  
  
BOC: That's the last of them…  
  
YAWN: Now what do we do?  
  
SARISS: 8t88 will decipher them at Red Baron's Head.  
  
The Dark Jedi get inside and the shuttle takes off. Kyle ducks as the shuttle passes miles over his head. He makes a, uh, weird-like face. He walks to the entrance of his home, opens the door and goes in. He comes to a junk room in the back and notices the old family droid.  
  
KYLE: BeeGee!  
  
He puts the floppy disk into BeeGee. Suddenly a hologram of Morton Katari appears.  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: Wibble Wibble Wibble! Huh-huh! Hiya son!  
  
KYLE: Dad! Is it really you?  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: No Bill, Ima hologram!  
  
KYLE: Uh, Dad, my name's Kyle.  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: Anyway I have two messages for you, Bill.  
  
KYLE: Kyle!  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: Whatever! The first is a map to the legendary Valley of the Jedi, hidden in the ceiling tiles of this room.  
  
KYLE: Uh, no it's not…  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: I know, Son, the Dark Jedi took it.  
  
KYLE: Oh…  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: The second… is a GIFT!  
  
KYLE: Money?  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: No! A lightsaber!  
  
KYLE: Sweet!  
  
MORTON HOLOGRAM: BeeGee will give it to you now.  
  
BEEGEE: The heck I will!NO!NO!MINE!Make Me!NOOOOOOOOO!Phew! 


	4. Gee, I Can't Think Of A Title For This C...

The big star destroyer is in space, because that's the best place for it. Jerec is inside, 8t88 is projecting a map via hologram.  
  
JEREC: Excellent 8t88! The Valley of the Jedi is as good as mine! Your payment is waiting for you in a cargo ship at the fuel station outside of Red Baron's Hed. Sariss! Prepare the Vengeance for hyperspace.  
  
  
8t88 is projecting a map via hologram. Kyle walks up behind him, blaster drawn.  
  
KYLE: I see you have a new arm, I guess I should've aimed for your head when I had the chance.  
  
8T88: The galaxy struggles in violence and disunity, and brings a lowly salt smuggler, a lost opportunity, so are the days of our lives…  
  
KYLE: I don't want to hear poetry, I want THE MAP!  
  
8T88: All yours, Kyle.  
  
Yawn, the Dark Jedi jumps down on the map and destroys it with his lightsaber. He uses the Force and pushed Kyle down.  
  
YAWN: In all my years I've only known Dark Jedi, never a Light Sidey before, heh… YOU SUCK!  
  
Kyle gets up and activates his lightsaber, some swingin' and fightin' goes on. But in the end it's fairly inevitable, after all, Kyle's the good guy. Kyle hits Yawn in the arm and Yawn goes down.  
  
YAWN: Kill me! Isn't that what I'm for?  
  
Kyle being a goodey, takes pity and doesn't kill him. A strange thing happens, the ceiling opens up and Yawn is strangely abducted.  
  
KYLE: …the most random five minutes of my life.  
  
Blaster fire pings around Kyle. Being a Jedi, he deflects a few blasts and then dives behind a table. He takes out his comlink.  
  
KYLE: Jane, how abouts a lift outta here!  
  
JANE: On my way, that's three you owe me, but who's counting.  
  
Kyle finally kills off the stormtroopers who fired at him and reaches the roof just in time to see 8t88 taking off.  
  
KYLE: Oh no! I'm too late! 8t88! You -  
  
The rest of Kyle's sentence is drowned out by the engine of 8t88's shuttle taking off. Jane comes fashionably late.  
  
JANE: Wonder where he's going!  
  
KYLE: Jane! That's 8t88, he's got the map to the Valley in that head of his, we can't let him get away!  
  
  
  
8t88's shuttle lands at a cargo ship in the fuel station in the town on the outskirts of the city of Red Baron's Hed on the planet of Sulon in the Sulur System in the Outer Rim of the galaxy. He enters. It is ghostly quite.  
  
8T88: HELLO? Anybody in here?  
  
He thinks he sees someone and walks closer. A shadow comes up from behind him and screams, which makes 8t88 scream.  
  
SHADOW CREATURE: AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
8T88: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The shadow creature is Pic and the other someone is Gorq. The surround 8t88 menacingly and take out their lightsabers.  
  
8T88: Oh, uh, hullo, I'm, uh, here for my well deserved payment.  
  
  
Kyle lands at the fuel station in the town on the outskirts of the city of Red Baron's Hed on the planet of Sulon in the Sulur System in the Outer Rim of the galaxy. The Crow takes off and Kyle is on the surface.  
  
KYLE: Stay sharp!  
  
JANE: No problem.  
  
  
Scene goes again to that big star destroyer, this time it's in hyperspace. Pic is on the hologram.  
  
JEREC: Tell me, did 8t88 get his… reward? Heeheehee!  
  
PIC HOLOGRAM: He sure did, Boss.  
  
JEREC: Good. Goooooooood. Well depart immediately, I don't want to take any chances. After all-  
  
Kyle Katari is running towards the ship that is departing now.  
  
JEREC VOICE OVER: We don't want that Kyle Katari coming on board.  
  
Kyle gives a large leap and barely makes it on the cargo ship. He enters the room and sees 8t88.  
  
KYLE: I finally get my chance to repay you…  
  
He nudges 8t88 in the head and the head falls off.  
  
FREAKY VOICE: Lovely yes?  
  
The freaky voice is Pic, the other guy is Gorc. They surround Kyle menacingly and activate their lightsabers.  
  
KYLE: Oh, uh, hullo, I'm here for my well deserved brain.  
  
PIC: Our Master is on his way to the Valley of the Jedi even as we are talking. A fortune you won't be so lucky to experience!  
  
Kyle takes out the blaster and fires. That dumb old Gorq just watches it hit him in between the eyes.  
  
KYLE: HA!  
  
PIC: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kyle and Pic begin fighting with their lightsabers. Pic jumps on Kyle's back and he backs up, slaming himself into a wall and smashing Pic. Pic falls over. Kyle picks up 8t88's brain.  
  
KYLE: You sure have caused me a lot of trouble… Hmm… 8t88's brain is heavier than I imagined.  
  
Pic jumps at Kyle.  
  
PIC: RRRAAAAAAAAA!!!!  
  
Pic runs right into 8t88's brain and falls down. Kyle runs out with the droid brain.  
  
  
  
8t88's brain is in a vice connected to BeeGee, Jane is plugging him in.  
  
JANE: That should do it BeeGee!  
  
BeeGee uses the droid brain and projects a map to the Valley. Kyle smiles now he knows where the Valley is, if he could just only understand the map…  
  
At the real Valley, Jerec's men are preparing it for him. Jerec walks up, Sariss and Boc are his guide dogs.  
  
SARISS: The Valley is being prepared for you, my lord.  
  
JEREC: Excellent, party on Boc!  
  
BOC: Party on, Jerec!  
  
JEREC: Party on, Sariss!  
  
SARISS: Party on, ma lord… 


	5. The Choice

Kyle, Jane, BeeGee & Bob are all on a cliff over looking the Dark Tower.  
  
KYLE: Looks like Jerec's men already have their scummy fingers all over the place. I've got to get to that tower. You stay here.  
  
JANE: You're just going to get into more trouble.  
  
KYLE: That's when you bail me out!  
  
Kyle trods off and reaches the dark tower, he fights his way in until he reaches an elevator. He steps in the elevator. He presses the button. The elevator lifts. The elevator music. The elevator doors. They open. He walks out. Suddenly he is tackled down by a flying clown.  
  
MA: Finally, I get to wipe your PUTRID taste from the Force.  
  
The floating Dark Jedi swings at him, Kyle ducks and takes out his saber. He cuts at Ma's floating device. Ma flies off leaving Kyle standing their in stupid confusion.  
  
KYLE: I guess THAT was the most random five minutes of my life...  
  
Kyle reaches the other side of the tower and again is attacked in the exact same way, and so he coutner attacks with the same move and Ma's floating device gives out and the legless loser falls onto the platform, lightsaber rolling of the edge.  
  
MA: KILL ME! Or do you lack the courage, like your father. Yeah, that's right, I said YOUR FATHER! I remember it! Jerec gave him a sweet, slow death, a death for a coward! Your father was on his knees, whining like a little girl when Jerec took his life, I can still hear those last words... "wibble wibble wibble" Heh Heh Heh, and then I had the honor of taking his head and thrusting on a spike to see, and to make them laugh! Make them Laugh! Don't you know everyone wants to laugh? HAHHAH! MUHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
Kyle swings his saber down upon Ma.  
  
KYLE: HURUNG!  
  
MA: GLAK!!!!  
  
JEREC: Excellent Katari! You've started down the path to the DARK SIDE! But that is not enough!  
  
Jerec has walked up with Jane, Boc, Sariss, Yawn and Bob.  
  
KYLE: What are you talking about?  
  
JEREC: You have to prove that your evil enough to be a Dark Jedi! Now kill Bob!  
  
KYLE: Uh, okay... sure.  
  
He kills Bob.  
  
JEREC: Alright, now, uh, KILL JANE!  
  
KYLE: What? Why?  
  
JEREC: Strike her down and realize your true destiny as a Dark Jedi, your TRUE power!  
  
Even though Kyle and Jane have been friends all of their life and Kyle doesn't have any other friends and no one else even like him, he hesitates. Considering if he should save his best friend from himself and do what he's risked his neck for for so long by remaining a goodie, OR should he randomly abandon all his principles, murder his only friend, and join the man who murdered his father, even though he hasn't really been offered much for killing Jane. I guess somehow it's a tuff choice.  
  
Finally deciding Kyle raises his lightsaber... 


	6. The Darkside

...and swings at Jane, slicing her clean in the neck.  
  
JEREC: Great, now you have joined me and become one of my minions, together we can share the ULTIMATE POWER! MUHAHAHA!  
  
KYLE: Minions? Share? How can more than one person have the ultimate power?  
  
JEREC: Uh, say what?  
  
KYLE: There can only be ONE ultimate power or else it wouldn't be ULTIMATE would it.  
  
JEREC: Well, I-  
  
KYLE: Why do I need you Jerec? I can take the Valley's power for myself! I don't need you! I can become my own worst enemy!  
  
JEREC: A pity, then you will die.  
  
He lifts his hand and pushes Kyle into the cargo ship which suddenly breaks off the tower and falls towards the Valley floor.  
  
KYLE: That jerk is gonna pay! But first, I must reach my ship the MOLDY AND STINKY CROW which is hidden somewhere in this ship!  
  
RON'S APPARITION: Kyle wait! What have you done? You've chosen Dark over Light, Good over Bad, Hate over Love, War over Peace, Evil over...  
  
KYLE: I get the idea!  
  
RON'S GHOST: And you've killed, let's face it, you're only friend! And now don't you look like a fool! Stuck on a falling ship, doomed to die, you should be ashamed of yourself...  
  
KYLE: I'm not stuck, my ship's right over there.  
  
RON'S SPIRIT: Kyle wait, it's not too late, chose love over hate, can't you feel your inner debate?  
  
KYLE: I've made my choice.  
  
SPECTER OF RON: Fine, for you the choice is the Dark Side, forever will it dominate your destiny...  
  
Kyle gets into his ship and takes off, just as the cargo ship explodes. He lands on a nearby cliff. Suddenly, Yawn jumps out.  
  
YAWN: TA-DA! HaHaHa! It is I, Yawn! Sent to stop you even! And you are quite a sticky enemy...  
  
Kyle uses his freshly acquired Dark powers and chokes Yawn.  
  
YAWN: Ugh, not fair... can't... all Jedi.... deserve..... fight...  
  
KYLE: I'll tell you what Yawn, I'll give you a fighting chance, I'll drop you into this endless chasm. If you're lucky you can levitate yourself up and return in some cheap tie-in story.  
  
YAWN: Gee, thanks...  
  
He drops Yawn into an endless chasm.  
  
KYLE: Loser...  
  
BEEGEE (coming out of the ship): You are evil.  
  
KYLE: BeeGee, you survive? Too bad...  
  
BEEGEE: So, uh, Kyle, hehe, where's Jane?  
  
KYLE: I killed her, and you better watch what you say or I might have to kill you too!  
  
BEGEE: Sheesh.  
  
The MOLDY AND STINKY CROW takes off.  
  
BEEGEE: I don't have to be your evil sidekick do I?  
  
KYLE: Not if I Kill you!  
  
He tosses BeeGee out the window screaming, and flies to the Valley of the Jedi.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Jerec, Sariss and Boc are inside the Valley.  
  
JEREC: Hehehehehe. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I FEEEEEL THE POWER!  
  
He jumps into the Valley dome, the other two Dark Jedi here whistling.  
  
BOC: Ree?  
  
Kyle comes out with his eyes closed whistling. Suddenly he is attacked by Sariss. He uses the Force and sends Sariss flying into a statue. It crumbles and buries her.  
  
Kyle walks up and a purple lightsaber swings down in front of him.  
  
BOC: Ding! Ehehehehehe! Sorry sir, it will cost you a small toll to enter! Ehehehehe!  
  
KYLE (rolling his eyes): What's the cost?  
  
BOC: YOur life! Ehehehehe!  
  
He jumps at Kyle and Kyle cuts off his head. Suddenly Jerec comes out of the Valley of the Jedi.  
  
KYLE: Jerec!  
  
JEREC: Yes, and is it, Lyle Intellivision?  
  
KYLE: That's Kyle Katari!  
  
JEREC: Ah, yes, I remember, I murdered your father!  
  
Kyle is enraged and begins to attack Jerec.  
  
KYLE: You're going down clown!  
  
He swings and swing and swings and swings and swings but Jerec just keeps blocking. In the end the inevitable happens...  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Sariss is walking through the newly constructed Dark Palace on Corusnot. She walks up the stairs to her Emperor's throne. The Emperor can not see her becuase his eyes have been cut out in battle and he has put a blindfold over the empty sockets.  
  
SARISS: Ma lord, our spies have word of a small Rebel Twisted Sister concert in Danuta.  
  
EMPEROR: I have no time for petty pettiness, destroy them painfully!  
  
SARISS: Yes Emperor...  
  
Like we all figured, Kyle Katari is the New Emperor and his eyes have been cut out in battle with Jerec. He sits on his throne but something he is sitting on is making him uncomfortable.  
  
KYLE: URK! Okay, who's been putting those darned peas under my matresses again?  
  
He pulls out a small object, made of metal. He flicks it on. He hears voices.  
  
VOICE SOUNDING LIKE MORTON KATARI: Now remember son, when you're at the Academy, how proud I am of you. You're a fine young man, Bill.  
  
Kyle smashes the hologram in his fist.  
  
KYLE: MY NAME IS KYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	7. The Goodies

JEREC: Well, how's it going to be?  
  
...and turns it off.  
  
KYLE: NO!  
  
JEREC: Such a pity, then you die.  
  
He lifts his hand and pushes Kyle into the cargo ship which suddenly breaks off the tower and falls towards the Valley floor. Kyle runs to his ship, he notices a little old lady standing right beside it with tears in her eyes. He sighs, being a goodie, he has no choice but to take all the innocent people off of the ship with him. So him, the little old lady, a good stormie, Bob and a sheep all get in the CROW and take off. The explosion rocks the ship and Kyle crashes into the Valley floor. Everything is blurry and Kyle is in the wight light.  
  
LITTLE OLD LADY: *! (Follow Me!)  
  
She vaporizes and then Kyle does too.  
  
RON: HIYA KYLE!  
  
KYLE: Ron?  
  
RON: That which flows from that which was, and all that sways is like the one that bends in the falling leaves of shadow paste. The best way to show is with a movie, feel around you, do you know where you are?  
  
Suddenly Kyle is in the Valley.  
  
KYLE: I'm in the Valley!  
  
RON: Yes, you're about to be caught up in the final battle between Lord Hoth and Lord Kaan, just watch and remember...  
  
Suddenly an army of Sith & an army of Jedi appear.  
  
KAAN: Surrender Lord Hoth!  
  
HOTH: NO! I spit on you Sith! Poo! We will never surrender!  
  
KAAN: A-HA! Perhaps you would if you would only realize...  
  
A dark floating sphere appears!  
  
KAAN: BA BA BUMMM!  
  
RANDOM JEDI: Behold Lord Hoth, they bring a Sith Thought Bomb, the fiends...  
  
KAAN: Yes! The Dark Side Weapon created by evil thoughts, many of our best became mentally ill in the forging of this device!  
  
HOTH: Lord Kaan, now I know you must be mad! The destructive power of that.. Thought Bomb will kill us all and posibly worse...  
  
KAAN: EXACTLY!  
  
The Jedi charge and the bomb goes off, everyone is sucked inside of a mound.  
  
Kyle shuts his eyes and sees Ron standing over him.  
  
RON: Like I said, that which flows from that which was, and nothing is as was when it first was. Now awaken. Jedi. Eheeheehehehhee!  
  
Suddenly Ron grows a long tentacle off of his head...  
  
BOC: Ah, such a bad fall, but you'll be glad to know, I found your lightsaber... Want It?  
  
KYLE: Yess, pleaseeee...  
  
BOC: Okay, here you go.  
  
He tosses it down.  
  
Boc takes a large rock and smashes the lightsaber.  
  
BOC: Oops! Missed! Ehehehehehe!  
  
He runs off.  
  
Sariss takes out her lightsaber and swings down at Kyle, Yawn activates his saber and blocks her. In a random reflex she slashes through Yawn.  
  
SARISS: Oops...  
  
She turns around and notices Kyle is gone.  
  
SARISS: Hey Wait! Come back! I'm supposed to kill you!  
  
Kyle runs away with Yawn's lightsaber in hand...  
  
---------------------  
  
Jane is tied to a post and Boc is standing next to her. Jerec is about to enter the Valley of the Jedi.  
  
JEREC: Ehehehe. Hehehehehe! HAHAHAHAHA! MUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL THE POWER!  
  
He jumps in, Kyle appears behind a tomb. He runs over to Jane and unties her, nobody notices the sinister Twi'Lek statue in the background.  
  
KYLE: This is going to cost you a crate load of money you don't have.  
  
JANE: As long as I'm around to pay you I don't care.  
  
KYLE: My sentiments exactly...  
  
BOC: Mine too!  
  
He turns from a statue back into himself.  
  
BOC: HAHA! Fooled you with my special Force power--- Force Statue! HA!  
  
KYLE: Stand back Jane, I'll deal with this villain.  
  
JANE: Watchout Kyle, he's got two lightsabers.  
  
KYLE: Say What-eee?  
  
Boc takes out his two lightsabers and just as Kyle thinks he's about to attack, he crosses his 'sabers and runs around in circles.  
  
BOC: Look at me, I'm running with scissors! Ehehehehe!  
  
KYLE: ?  
  
Boc uses his lightsabers to direct an airplane.  
  
BOC: Control to tower! Ehehehehe!  
  
KYLE: What a weirdo!  
  
Boc starts dancing.  
  
BOC: Disco Inferno Hee Hee Hee Hee!  
  
KYLE: Okay, eneough og this crap...  
  
Boc is in a bumper car.  
  
BOC: Hee Hee Bumper Cars!  
  
Kyle stabs Boc.  
  
BOC: Eh? You stabbed me! Ain't that a hoot? Ehehehehe! Heeheheheheheh! Ehehehe. Hehehe. Eesh....  
  
He finally dies.  
  
KYLE: Now THAT's something to laugh about.  
  
SINISTER LAUGH: Oahaha!  
  
KYLE: It wasn't that funny, Jane.  
  
JANE: Hey, it wasn't me...  
  
Jerec approaches, pushes Kyle down and jumps into the Valley again.  
  
KYLE: I'm sick of these random Sith attacks, I'm goin' in!  
  
Kyle jumps in.  
  
KYLE: The jig is up, Jerec!  
  
JEREC: Hehehe, Kyle Katari, you still don't understand the POWER do you?  
  
KYLE: I udnerstand! I understand anyone who harnesses the power will become evil and bad! Poo!  
  
JEREC: You fool! You will die!  
  
He raises his hand and nothing happens.  
  
JEREC: Eh? What? NOOOOO! My connection to the Force flow! Cut off! Can't use... THE DARK SIDE! ARRRGGHHHHONAUT! How? How'd? How-dee-ooo?  
  
KYLE: I donno, something I do with my foot or something...  
  
JEREC: RAAA!  
  
Jerec lunges at him and Kyle fights back, but Jerec picks Kyle up and spins him around, then throws him out. Jerec jumps out. Kyle stabs Jerec.  
  
JEREC: ?!  
  
He falls to the ground.  
  
JEREC: Eck! Well done! Heeheehee! Strike me down, and the power of the Dark Side will be yours! I'm sure you haven't forgotten, I was the one who murdered your father...  
  
KYLE: No I haven't...  
  
JEREC: And I'm sure you haven't forgotten, I was the one who broke into your car and stole the air freshener when you were 16 years old.  
  
KYLE: Gee, I didn't know that...  
  
JEREC: And I'm sure you haven't forgotten, I was the one who bribed Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny so that you got no presents!  
  
KYLE: They're not real!  
  
JEREC: And I'm sure you haven't forgotten, I was the one who put your white clothes in with your red clothes so they all turned pink!  
  
KYLE: So that was YOU!  
  
JEREC: And I'm sure you haven't forgotten... AA-OO-RAH!!!!  
  
He jumps up and lunges at Kyle again. Kyle swings doing some "Highlander" move and Jerec falls to the ground and vaporizes. Suddenly the Valley breaks open and all the little souls come out and fly around. All ther statues turn "happy" and Kyle sees Ron flying with them. He smiles.  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Kyle is carving a statue of his dad and Ron.  
  
KYLE: Thanks, Daddy-O.  
  
MORTON: Heck, I'm prouda you, Bill...  
  
KYLE: Sheesh, Dad, my name's Kyle.  
  
BeeGee appears with everyone Kyle saved from the cargo ship.  
  
BEEGEE: Beezeet!  
  
KYLE: BeeGee! Granny! Happy Stormtrooper! Bob! Sheep! You all survived. Holy skamolee, I feel a real dance number comin' on!  
  
So they danced and were merry and they all lived happily ever after until someone decided to make "Mysteries of the Sith"... 


End file.
